Yearly Archives: 2009


Your command, Vanberge? [235:9] : S
Who would you like to attack?

(full or PARTIAL name)
NAME: jjafuller

You mean jjafuller? [Y] Y

You hunt around for jjafuller…YOU FIND HIM!
He is brandishing a dangerous looking Power Axe.

Attack jjafuller [Y] :Y


You have encountered jjafuller!!

jjafuller surprises you.

** jjafuller hits with his Power Axe for 98 damage! **

Your Hitpoints : 265
jjafuller’s Hitpoints : 533


(D)eath Knight Attack (2)

Your command, Vanberge?  [A] : D

In a situation like this, you need every advantage you can get.


In a scream of rage, you brandish your Able’s Sword wildly.  The
surprised jjafuller misses a parry, and you are able to send your
enemy’s nose into the air with a smooth blow.

You hit jjafuller for 650 damage!

You have put out this Fire Orks flame!

You find a Gem!

You have killed jjafuller!

You receive 0 gold, and 305621 experience!

Say something to the press? [N] : Y

Share your feelings now.. (Max 50 char!)
“`1BOOMSHAKALAKA….  kabloop

(E)ffing Mad

Your emotional state? [H] :S

“BOOMSHAKALAKA….  kabloop” Vanberge declares sadly.

Grand Theft Auto 4 – The Half Million Achievement

When I had first played through Grand Theft Auto 4, I did not take any steps to save my money.  I spent freely on clothes, food, weapons, and ammo…

This REALLY ended up frustrating me because as I defeated the game, I came very far from having enough money to satisfy the “Half Million” achievement.  To get this 55g achievement, the player needs to gain a balance of 500,000 dollars in the game.  And, if you can’t do it with the end-game bonus then your options become very limited.  Many users have guides on youtube for getting it by using cheats; mainly by spawning expensive cars and selling them.  But, that’s very time consuming and many purists don’t like to use cheats to get something like that.

I had given in and decided that this achievement was not possible short of a complete re-play of the game from scratch.  That was not going to happen.  Mentally I tried to forget this achievement existed but very unsuccessfully.

Enter GTA4: The Ballad of Gay Tony.

I was very surprised and extremely overjoyed to find out that the Ballad of Gay Tony expansion still allowed you to unlock achievements for the original GTA4 release.  When I found out, I went on an achievement unlocking spree of sorts:  Flew my helicopter under all the bridges, went on all the helicopter tours, blew up 10 cars in 10 seconds, survived 6 star wanted level for 5 minutes, took a long taxi ride without skipping, etc etc etc.

Then I had what I considered to be a very smart idea:  I thought of a way to very simply get the Half million achievement.  TBoGT has a cage-fighting minigame where you can fight against people or bet on fights for money.  This location is painfully close to your safe house/save point.  I figured there would be some sort of maximum for the amount you could place on a bet in this fight minigame – but there is no limit!

Being an expansion, TBoGT left me with somewhere around 40,000 dollars total.  Quite a ways from the half-mil mark.  But, I went to work on a fool proof venture.  I saved my game immediately before visiting the cage fight arena and betting all of my money on one fight.  The first fight I did choose correctly; so I had a cool 80k.  I take the one block drive to re-save my game and then proceed to do the exact same thing and bet every penny I have on one fight.  This 2nd fight I chose wrong 3 different times 🙁   But, through the magic of saved games I very quickly had 160,000 dollars.

I think you get the idea.  I repeated the above steps until I got bored; which left me just under 2 million dollars…  And, along the way I got the famed “Ka-bloop” sound and the 55g achievement “Half million”.

I’ve totally been on self fulfilling achievement quests as a whole lately trying to get my numbers up somewhere near Vanlandw’s 10k gamerscore.  I don’t know that I’m catching him to any degree as he has progressed at an astounding rate; but my Gamerscore has surprassed 6,000 as of last night.  That is pretty impressive in my opinion – considering my Gamerscore was 1,000 back in June of this year.

Overall, I’ve really gotten my money’s worth out of my 360 this year.  The turning point was when I decided to move it upstairs vs being down in our Basement.  I simply just did not go downstairs ever and barely ever played my 360.  A very sad story.  But I’m making up for it now and trying to cram as much video games into my soul as humanly possible before April of 2010 comes around.  🙂

Hooray for daytime video game posts.

Legend of the Red Dragon

CHOUSEY has challenged you to an Online Duel!

As is the tradition, you are allowed to completely heal yourself first.


You wait as CHOUSEY strikes.


CHOUSEY hits you for 10 points of damage!

Your Hitpoints: 10
CHOUSEY’s Hitpoints: 20

(A)ttack Your Enemy
(Y)ell Something To Your Enemy
(R)un For Your Life

Your Command?  :A

You HIT CHOUSEY for 5 points of damage!
You wait as CHOUSEY strikes.


CHOUSEY hits you for 10 points of damage!

You fall to the ground.  You think CHOUSEY is going to let you
go… Just before you feel his Dagger sliding
through your chest.

You distantly feel your lungs filling with blood, when everything becomes

You have been killed by CHOUSEY.

The Website is Down

Seems like forever ago that I saw the very first video from these guys – “Sales guy vs. Web dude”.  The video was simply hilarious.

The video is pokes at a day in the life of a typical IT guy.  The entire thing is seen from Web dude’s PC monitor viewpoint as he runs through a gambit of tech support hijinks.  But, what makes this video so great in my opinion is the realism.  The tools and actions he takes are completely realistic with how the IT world actually functions and I completely relate to it 100%.

But what I didn’t really know is that these guys have made more than just that one video.  They actually have 4 different episodes featuring what has become my favorite Anti-Hero: Web Dude.  These videos are simply hysterical and I cannot get enough of them.

I find myself wanting to do things like Web Dude does… Use Skype, call Laslo the datacenter gangster, and sticky-nade my team mates.  lol.

I seriously  BEG anyone reading this to watch all of these videos because they are LITERALLY top shelf productions that deserve to be seen by the entire Earth.

I’m Quitting Fantasy Football

Fantasy football is a game.  It should be a fun way to get into football and a good way for friends to generally share some laughs together.

This is far from what it is.

It has become a complete and whole disdain of my existence.  It causes me literally enough frustration to throw and break objects in my home.  Don’t get me wrong here – I’m generally a very easy going person and don’t very often let my temper get the better of me.  But, for some reason, Fantasy football has the power to turn my Sundays into 12 hour marathons of pure, unbridled, non-filterd, blinding sheer brutality.

I cannot even BEGIN to explain how pissed off I am.

This “game” shouldn’t matter to me this much.  I shouldn’t give a shit less whether I win or lose or by how much.  But sitting here tonight I am absolutely in-fucking-furiated.

Here’s why:  I AM GETTING COMPLETELY SCREWED in Fantasy football.

So many readers might be saying “stop whining” or “suck it up” or something along those lines – but before you pass judgment on my attitude and sour mood, please allow me to explain my frustrations.

Currently, I am in a matchup with “Vanlandw” – and I must say that I mean no ill will or offense toward his person – but his Fantasy football team was 0 – 4 before playing me.  In those 4 losses, his team scored an average of 90 fantasy points per game.  This is important so I’m going to re-iterate:  His average points per game this year in Fantasy football is ninety (90) points.  He even said to me about our matchup “well it’s an easy win for you”.  One more time:  Vanlandw’s team is WINLESS and averaging NINETY points per game.

Vanlandw has fully admitted multiple times that he has an awful fantasy team.  Guys that were expected to be awesome for him have been rancid – this is no fault of his own and it’s very unfortunate that he has a bad fantasy football team (LEEEENNNNNNDAAAAAAALLLLLLEEEEE).  I share honor and pride with Vanlandw and am glad that we are gladiating against each other.  However, I should be destroying him in our contest this week.   In my first 4 games, my team is averaging 113.75 points per game.  You will note that this is 23.75 points higher than Vanlandw’s team average points per game.

Our current score, with each having one more player remaining, is currently 108 – 121.  Vanlandw is destroying me.

I’m fine losing to Vanlandw – losing to a fellow Van is the least of my frustrations.  I congratulate him on actually getting a victory this fantasy season.  But, for me, this is a trend that has been the case since last season and it has come to the boiling point where I have submitted to my frustrations.

I have a very competitive fantasy team.  I feel that I drafted very well amongst a sea of auto-picking teams.   My team has scored 563 fantasy points so far this season including my score tonight.  This amount of points is bested by only the #1 and #2 teams in our league who have 598 and and 584 points respectively.  With similar point values; you might think that I’d be somewhere around the top three.  WOULDN’T THAT BE SOMETHING.  But, Vanbergs is currently in 3rd place.   My team has more points than his.   My team is currently in 8th place out of 10 teams.  Let that settle in a bit – 8th place out of 10.  Rancid rancid hideous awful place.

This is similar to last year, where my fantasy team actually led the regular season in points but I ended up finishing in 8th place and barely making the “consolation” playoff round.

So, the trend has continued where I have put up enough points every week to beat nearly every other person in our league; but the person I happen to be playing puts up season-high numbers to beat me.  My team’s points-against is 598.  This means my opponents in 5 weeks have scored an average of 119.6 points per game against me.  Compare that to the REST OF THE LEAGUE PLAYING ANYBODY ELSE and the average points per game are:  103.7.   So, any team playing anybody in our league will score an average of 16 points less than the person playing me.  Which, holds true this week looking at my contest with Vanlandw.

This has resulted in my team having an abysmal 1-4 record even though I have 100 more points than teams in that same ballpark (7th, 9th places, etc).  I’m really the only big outlier in our league.  Most other teams’ point totals are corresponding to the place that they are in and the number of wins/losses that they have.  I don’t feel mine is at all in line.  I’m not sure why this keeps happening – but I’ve had enough of the bullshit.  There’s no other way to put it except that I’m getting screwed.

I’m done playing fantasy football.

  • Week 1:  Payner’s Eagle defense scores over 40 fantasy points which is simply unheard of by a defense.  I lose 112 – 133 in what I am very confident in calling a “bad beat”.
  • Week 2:  I ACTUALLY WIN.  142 – 101.  But, only because Devin Brown failed to start the 2 highest scorers on his team.  If he had done that, I would have lost – so I’m very surprised that did not occur.
  • Week 3:  Skinny’s entire team puts up double digit numbers across the board just crushing me.  114 – 139.  He was projected to have 111 points and I was projected to have 114.  yeah.
  • Week 4:  My three WRs combine for 13 points TOTAL in a loss to Flo that I did actually deserve.  87 – 104.
  • Week 5:  Vanlandw is killing me.  His 0 – 4 team is led by Roddy White who of course puts up career high, franchise high 200+ yards receiving with god knows how many touchdowns.  Roddy just swings out 32 Fantasy points by himself.   Odd – since Roddy White in the previous 4 games total had 119 receiving yards and 1 TD.  A perfect display of what happens when fantasy owners are playing against me.

I sit with a 1 – 4 record with almost no chance of doing well this season even though my team puts up consistently high numbers.  Other team’s players continue to put up career high and just absolute record breaking numbers seemingly only when they are playing against my team.  I’m sick of it.  I want my Sundays back.  It’s BS.  It pisses me off.  And, I’m done.

Just to follow up to this, I’m going to post last season’s final standings.

1. T.J Whosyourmama  9-5-0     .643     1463
2. Bun                         9-5-0     .643     1321
3. Free Kwame             8-6-0     .571     1354
4. vanlandw                 9-5-0     .643     1452
5. The Secret Muslims   7-7-0     .500     1291
6. Jon Kitna’s Bible       7-7-0     .500     1315
7. The Dark Knights    6-8-0    .429    1464
8. $5 Footlongs             7-7-0    .500     1235
9. That’s what she said   5-9-0     .357    1269
10. The Ninnies             3-11-0   .214    1289

You will notice the drastic similarity in 2008’s season numbers compared to this season.  my 1464 points is THE HIGHEST of all other teams in the league.  Note that the first place team has 1463 compared to my 1464 points.  Those point totals should put me somewhere at least near the top 3 teams in the league with an overwhelmingly positive record.  But, as you can see, I finished with a .429 winning percentage and a final record of 6 wins, 8 losses.

I simply cannot let this go and am overwhelmingly infuriated further as I review these statistics.