So apparently google translator is undeniably the most entertaining thing to ever exist… Surely, Google did not intend it to be entertaining… I’m sure that google designed this tool to help people explore new languages, diversify their culture, and overall do good things in the world.

However, if you tweak the usage of this utility – the outcome is possibly the funniest thing of all time. Instead of using it to really translate language… use as follows:

1. Go to google translator
2. Paste in some typical english (1-2 paragraphs is a good amount)
3. Translate that into japanese
4. Copy all japanese output
5. paste the japanese text BACK into google translator
6. Translate that from japanese back into english
7. Laugh uncontrollably

For example, take this paragraph from my previous post…
“Ryan Payner and Wes Vanlandw command the defense with mortal peril. Payner provides a strong line presence while Vanlandw continually shuns receivers in sheer dutch coverage.Eric Flo kicks the ball once in awhile.”

Now Translated to Japanese and Back to English:
“[raian] Payner and Wes Vanlandw escaping order death to the defense of danger. Payner while avoiding the receiver of the Dutch coverage whose Vanlandw always is thin, offers strong line existence. Eric Flo one time kicks sphere for a while.”

I’ve seriously done this for hours… I really don’t know if i’ve ever laughed so hard. A couple notable translations that i’ve seen… Waffle house = “The house of the many waffle supplies“. Big Lots = “The lot, which at first glance, is large“.

Here’s a paragraph from Vanbergs’ website… just because it is hilarious.
Real Paragraph:
“Other than that, the past month has been pretty uneventful, hence the supreme lack of boring updates. It will be incredibly nice to get the hell out of this state for a week, even if it does entail riding in a car with Flo for eight billion hours. I think the stops at multiple Waffle Houses will more than make up for the company ”

Translated/Retranslated:
“Past other than that month directly boring renewal considerably calmness safety, therefore is the highest scarcity. That accompanying the fact that it rides by the car where 8,000,000,000 hours Flo have been attached it is very splendid to come out of this state of 1 weeks. I think of that the company where stop of the house of the many waffle supplies from many decides; -)”

Try it with anything… i’ll post comments if/when i find some more funny ones…

I would like to introduce to everyone the real Detroit Lions Football team. As the “fake” lions are the most abysmal sporting organization to ever grace professional athletics, the real Lions are surely welcomed by all and held in very high regard among all facets of competitive sports.

Introducing The “Real” Sega NFL 2k5 Detroit Lions, straight from my Xbox:

• Eric Vanberge, #24, Running Back
• Steven Vanbergs, #10, Wide Receiver, special teams kick return
• Wesley Vanlandw, #25, Defensive Back, special teams kick/punt return
• Ryan Payner, #50, Middle Linebacker
• Eric Flo, #0, Kicker
• Mr. Mickeyvb, #1, Quarterback
• Joey Harrington, #3, moved to Field goal/extra point snap holder
• Remaining roster standard Detroit as of 2005 season

The real Detroit Lions have just completed game 10 of their season with a stunning 68 to 21 victory over the Indianapolis Colts. Highlights include:

• Steven Vanbergs: 330 receiving yards, 7 Touchdowns
• Mr. Mickeyvb: 429 yards passing, 8 Touchdown passes
• Eric Vanberge: 159 yards rushing, 2 Touchdowns
• Wesley Vanlandw: 2 Interceptions

As we head to week 11 vs. the Arizona Cardinals, here are some of the Season Stats:

• Eric Vanberge: 227 Carries, 1477 yards, 6.5 ypc, 17 touchdowns, 86 yard longest run, 0 fumbles
• Steven Vanbergs: 78 Receptions, 1950 yards, 25 ypc, 76 longest rec., 26 Touchdowns
• Mr. Mickeyvb: 148/274 passes (54%), 3,143 yards passing, 11.5 yds per pass, 36 TD, 24 interceptions, 80 yard longest throw
• Wes Vanlandw: 20 Tackles, 1.5 sacks, 18 deflected passes, 7 interceptions, 262 yards, 4 Touchdowns. 547 kick return yards, 1 TD. 246 punt return yards, 2 TD.
• Ryan Payner: 30 Tackles, 3 sacks, 3 forced fumbles
• Eric Flo: 4 Field goals made, 6 attempts. 55 yard longest.
• Overall Team: 10-0 Record, 4,642 yards total offense, 469 Total Points.

The Lions are the only undefeated team in the NFL, and the only team to have clinched a playoff birth thus far… The strong quarterback skills of Mr. Mickeyvb hold the teams offense together, and combined with powerful running back/wide receiver brothers McManus – the result is the #1 offense in the NFL.

Ryan Payner and Wes Vanlandw command the defense with mortal peril. Payner provides a strong line presence while Vanlandw continually shuns receivers in sheer dutch coverage.

Eric Flo kicks the ball once in awhile.

Recently, I came across the torrent for “Balance” – a Van halen album from the mid-90’s Hagar region. This album was one of my favorites, and it brought an entire plethora of memories from my teenage years when i really liked and listened to alot of Van Halen.

This got me thinking… Which lead singer of Van Halen is the best? I almost titled this thread as “Roth v. Hagar”, because in all seriousness, who can even compare Gary Cherone to either of them? He was a short lived wonder and an overall bad thing to happen to the entire music industry.

So that leaves David Lee Roth and Samuel James Hagar. For me, this decision comes quickly and easily. Sammy Hagar was a much better frontman for VanHalen than Dave R. was. For me, Hagar is a better singer, songwriter, frontman, and entire persona. Obviously, Roth was the first, so he has his group of loyalist who think anybody else is garbage… But the truth is that the band is completely different with these two singers. With Roth, the songs always seemed to be sexual in nature… Either that or drugs/drinking/overall partying.

With Hagar, Van Halen’s songs take on a depth. They don’t have meaningless lyrics about wanting to have relations with your teacher. They are real, heartfelt… the songs have an emotional side that Roth’s just don’t. Obviously there are exceptions on both sides to this argument (Jump, Poundcake..etc.) but the general consensus i believe to be accurate.
Other things to consider…

• Roth’s Jumping splits
• Roth’s “spandex”
• Hagar’s Perm
• Tornadoes (only enfuego and vanbergs will get that reference)
• Eddie VanHalen

Regardless of the frontman, Eddie VanHalen is probably the best guitarist of all time… It’s hard to even consider somebody who is more of an innovator. I don’t usually like instrumental music very much… but some of the instrumental songs by Eddie VH are amazing. (Eruption and Baluchitherium for example.) Digress, the debate is not Eddie VanHalen… Who was a better frontman for VanHalen… Roth or Hagar??